Saturday, March 29, 2008

What I Learned From...My Littlest Chocolate Bean

By R. L. Kopelli (3/29/08)


Dear Chocolate Bean,

I wonder as you lie there fighting for your breaths with so little skin separating your bones from the sometimes harsh outside world…I wonder…do you know how many people love you completely before even laying eyes on you. You, my sweet Chocolate Bean, you are a lucky one.

Do you know that your Mommy quietly cries for you because she misses you so much not being able to take you home and hold you in her arms and because she worries – as we all do but none want to admit how much. Chocolate Bean, you are so lucky to have a mommy who loves you like that.

Do you know how strong your Daddy is for you and for your Mommy and Monkey? As your Daddy’s mommy I see this. But I also see just about ¼ inch under that strength of the Warrior is that soul of the Poet that you will soon see for yourself. Just between you and me (and you will soon find that we will have many secrets just for you, me and Monkey…but don’t tell anyone) your Daddy is one of those “soft on the inside” kinda guys. That’s why he has to fluff up his feathers every once in a while to try to keep the secret that we already know. Chocolate Bean, do you know how lucky you are to have such a Warrior that you can so easily wrap around your little finger?

Do you know how proud I am to watch your Mommy and Daddy take care of each other and be sweet to each other through this time of the early entry of the one and only, beautiful Chocolate Bean?

Do you know that you have the perfect big sister waiting at home for you? Nini’s Chocolate Monkey is already so sweet with you. She’s still a little afraid to touch you but we can understand that. You are so small and the tubes that are running from the machines into your body look scary to a two-year old. (Actually, they look scary to me, too.)

Do you know how lucky you are that your Grammy came from the far away land of Reno to stay with Monkey so Mommy and Daddy could be with you?

Oh, my little Chocolate Bean, there are so many others who haven’t even met you yet and already love you so much. And – get this – you have about a bazillion aunts and uncles that have been waiting for you since they heard about your anticipated arrival months and months ago.

And, Chocolate Bean, you are going to absolutely LOVE this next part…You are going to have about a hundred-bazillion cousins to love and to play with and to grow up with and to be a family with and to count on and to have crazy-good Christmases with…Vanilla, Strawberry, Lee Boy, Finnigan……………………………..

And then there’s me – your Nini. Do you know how lucky I am? Do you know how lucky I am to have your Daddy as my son? Your Daddy is a man of integrity and a truth-seeker. He is a good man, he is a good husband to your Mommy, he is a loving and firm Daddy to your sister, and he stands over your incubator and just stares at you and admires your strength, your fight, your fragility.

Do you know how lucky I am to have your Mommy as my daughter-in-law? Your Aunt Joy and I aren’t always easy on the new women that come into our family that we guard with Fierce Love. But, your Mommy – she’s part of us. She’s one of us. She’s a keeper. She – like you – is beautiful on the inside and the outside.

Do you know how lucky I am to have your sister, Chocolate Monkey, as my granddaughter? I melt when I see those big brown eyes framed with your daddy’s eyelashes look at me through the miniature face of your Mommy. When she yells out, “I love you, Nini!”…well, the world just stops then and there…and everything is perfect.

Do you know how lucky I am to have you, My Littlest Chocolate Bean? You are a miracle. You are my baby’s baby. Soon, I will hold you for the first time. In that moment, you will feel how lucky I am because the feeling is so strong, it is beyond the world of words. I love you. I will always love you. You will always be perfect to me. You can always find a safe haven in my arms. You can always look into my eyes and see how beautiful you are inside and out. You can always hold my hand and know what a cherished treasure you are. I LOVE YOU.

What have I learned from my Littlest Chocolate Bean…really it’s more like - what I’ve been reminded of…

I have been reminded that I am the luckiest woman alive.

By R. L. Kopelli (3/29/08)