What I Learned From Love

After a wonderful week of family vacation, Marisa, Liam, Finn and I returned home to a nasty stomach bug that kept me running for the porcelain pony every 10 to 20 minutes.  Good times!

During this thorough "cleanse", I found that memories long forgotten had found their way back to the conscious level.  Mostly fond memories of playing outside at the Norager house, or sleepovers at Nater's house where we stayed up all night (ie until about 10:30pm) playing "Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers" video game for the SNES.  But the one memory that came back to me that gave me the biggest smile was this one:

It was a very early August morning (around 6am) and I was 11 years old.  Mom came in to my room and woke me out of a dead sleep.  "Wake up, Jesse."  She said.

"What?" I moaned, not very happy to be awake at that hour.  Either Mom had thought that it was time to go back to the short lived "everybody to bed at 7pm and everybody wakes up @ 5am" plan, or there was something else going on.

"Did you wet the bed?" She asked.  You may think this to be an odd question to be asking an 11 year old boy, but if you think it odd, then you obviously did not grow up in the Butterworth household.

"Uhhhhhh..." I looked down to examine the evidence.

"Quick, get up and get dressed." She urged.

"Why?" I said.

"Just get dressed really quick."

"Ok".  I hopped up and got dressed.  After I was clothed a pee-pee free, Mom took me to the front door where there were 2 youth pastors from the church and 6 other 11 year old boys from the church.  

"What's going on?"  I asked.

"Quick, grab him!" They yelled.  And they all pounced on me and pretended to kidnap me and throw me in the back of the van to take me to the church.  Unbeknownst to me, this was my "initiation" into the 6th graders class at Calvary Bible Church.  

While sitting over donuts and orange juice at the initiation breakfast, the other boys regaled the stories of how the youth pastors and the other boys came in to the room and picked them up out of bed, duct taped them up and "kidnapped" them.  

"Why didn't my mom let them take me out of my bed, too?" I wondered to myself.  I kind of felt like I got robbed of having a "cool" experience like those kids did.

And then it occurred to me.  

Sometimes love looks a mom protecting her late-bed-wetting-son from mockery.

Thanks Mom!

I love you too!

What I learned from…Woody Allen’s cynical sense of humor

What I learned from…
Woody Allen’s cynical sense of humor

The following are experts were taken from the movie “Annie Hall.”


"There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly."

Of course this is a very pessimistic view on life, but I think there are a couple different things to take from this. One, is that it is easy to always concentrate on the negative; to look for the bad or damaging qualities in a person or situation and pick it apart. And though, for someone like me, that is just an unavoidable part of life. You have to be able to get past those things and take the good with the bad. Of course, it’s also very important to be able to recognize the good, bad and indifferent, realize what people or things in your life mean to you and treat it (or them) accordingly.

Second, this quote also makes me realize that old habits die slowly. Whether it’s a regular vacation at a resort you don’t like or a self-loathing habit that seems impossible to break, I think part of being a human is establishing habits. And whether they are good, bad, healthy or lethal, once a habit or comfort zone is created breaking out of it can prove to be very difficult.



"The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women."

This joke to me goes beyond relationships and has to do with an issue that without coming to terms with will make living very hard. I have gone up and down in my weight over the years, have changed my look many times and even had many different kinds of friends. And though this hasn’t always been true, I can say that I am comfortable in the skin I am in. And without being happy and satisfied with the person that you are, physically, mentally and emotionally it becomes almost impossible to have a healthy life. Of course, I’m not trying to knock self-improvement. I think that’s great, but that’s a different idea. Some people are more driven to better themselves, which is doesn’t really matter for this purpose other than you should know which one you are and accept that person.



"After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs."

This is a quote I keep referring back to many times over the last 8 years or so. I think anyone who has been in a romantic relationship can make sense of this at one level or another. There is no denying that throughout the course of a relationship, no matter how serious or dysfunctional there is always that x-factor that comes into play that makes you start to wonder. Usually, whether or not I could do without it. Sometimes it’s conversation, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s wondering what your offspring might look like. But most of the time I think it’s companionship. And that’s a big egg to live without. However, it also can justify putting up with a lot of crap may not outweigh the fear of being alone. I think for the most part the theory that one in every seven people is compatible with another is true. And that’s where the companionship comes into play, because within that thinking people don’t have to be overly selective to find someone they can not only tolerate, but get along with. But then again, maybe the eggs that are referred to in the joke come from that intangible that brings that one to the surface. In other words, finding true love.

This quote has sort of meant different things to me over the years, but at this point I think that is where I’m landing. Opening an optimistic eye to the idea that there is an innate feeling we have as humans to seek out love. And when you find it, it’s really something.

What I Learned From...the movie, Little Miss Sunshine

by R. L. Kopelli

The biggest thing I learned from the movie, Little Miss Sunshine, comes down to one scene – the scene where the teenage son finds out he is color-blind and consequently realizes the demise of his dream of being a pilot…his BIG dream…the dream that you just can’t think of a reason to continue existing without. The one that breaks your heart, breaks your spirit, breaks your will…that dream. The memory of that young man’s reaction still makes me ache.

That’s how we should react when our hopes and dreams are dashed. I couldn’t stop crying while I sat watching that scene in the theater. It touched a place in me that I keep carefully and systematically hidden, buried, and pretend not to have.

I wish I were that brave. Brave enough to openly wail when my heart has been broken because I realize a dream that I had yearned for has been denied. Instead, when I am in the most pain is when I am the quietest - my calm, icy, stoic exterior completely masking the silent scream.

I wish I were that brave.

Lessons from Finn (our 7 month old)...

By Marisa and Jesse

J - Although only seven months old, he will have it how he wants it and when he wants it. End of story.
M - It's ok to cry for no good reason.
M - Teething sucks...the end.
M - Finn has reminded me that he needs my boobs to live. Oh wait - that's Jesse.
J - Finn has taught me that even though he can only reach around my head, a hug still feels really good.
M - Finn has shown me that yelling is often very effective.
J - Finn has shown me that sometimes staring at your hands can bring hours of endless pleasure.
M - Finn has shown me that for a 7 month old that has just found his peeny dong, those things are sure pliable.
J - Finn has shown me that you can build an entire language around the syllable "ba."
M - Finn has shown me that you are born loving music.
J - Finn has shown me that having and loving a big brother is a really good thing.
M - Finn has taught me that everything is better when you put it in your mouth.
M - Finn has taught me that it can be fun to talk and laugh with yourself in the middle of the night.
M - Finn has shown me that you should always kiss with an open mouth, a lot of tongue and your eyes wide open.
M - Finn has shown me that it's ok not to smile at everyone.

What We've Learned from Liam...

By Marisa and Jesse

M - I have learned that my kisses make everything better.
J - I have learned that my son doesn't care how much money I make or what kind of car I drive or what kind of phone I talk on.
M - I have learned that it takes great skill to get your pee into the toilet.
M - Liam has taught me that I need to try to poop everytime I go to the bathroom.
M - Liam has reminded me that Scooby Doo is a really great show (by force).
J - Liam has reminded me that sometimes it's just good to dance.
J - Liam has taught me that a 3 year old's gas is just as nasty as a grown man's.
M - Liam has shown me how to be silly again.
M - Liam thinks my vinivan is cool.
J - Liam has taught me that a couple of couch cushions, a pillow, a blanket and a little imagination make a sweet fort.
M - Liam has reminded me how cool bugs look up close.
M - I have learned that I am really pretty.
J - Liam showed me that one of the greatest gifts in life is when your 3 year old tells you he loves you without any prompting.
M - It is always exciting when I get home.
J - Liam has taught me that wanting to marry your cousin is a very normal and logical idea. (Maybe Tuffy had the right idea all along)...
M - Liam has taught me that sometimes all you need is a bowl of goldfish and a glass of milk to feel better.
J - Liam has taught me that it is good to have a bedtime ritual.
M - Liam has shown me that it makes people feel really good when you scream their name and make a mad dash to them for a hug.

What I Learned From...Being Sick

1. After 2 days lying on the couch with my 2 dogs, I learned that my dogs
need a bath…and so do I.

2. The world goes on quite nicely without me.

3. I have people who love me and that makes me want to keep going for as
long as I can.

4. Once I let go of the myriad of details of the outside world, the voices
in my head slowed down…that was nice.

5. Sometimes, Sprite and crackers are the only things that I can face.

6. Finding a balance between being the tortoise and the hare is a healthy thing.

7. I like the TV show, Monk.

8. I push myself way too hard.

9. It’s crazy how fast your home gets messy from just lying on the couch!

10. I should start being nicer to myself.

What I Learned From...Love

1. Little girls not well loved have a long road.

2. Love sickness is one of the worst kinds of sicknesses.

3. Love can feel like a flannel blanket fresh out of the dryer on a cold winter’s night.

4. The more you love, the more love you have to give.

5. I’ve learned what’s important to me: Family, friends, my dogs, hummingbirds, the smell of a puppy’s belly, the smell of a dog’s paws, song birds, my magic oak tree, helping someone along the way, being helped along the way, watching a child play in the dirt, looking in the mirror and liking the person looking back at me, compassion, a smile, kind words, hopefulness.

6. There are two choices: love or fear. Even though, I fail many times, I will continue to want to choose love.

7. Loving yourself is the best gift that you have to give.

8. It feels good when someone looks at you with eyes of love.

9. I want to love someone deeply and know him completely – and I want him to love me deeply and know me completely. (Damn, I can’t go anywhere without that Hopeful Romantic!)

10. The only true choice is to love - love completely – nothing held back, nothing expected. The choice only comes from one person – not two. And, the real, deep, lingering pain only comes from love withheld.

What I Learned From…a moment with Michael Stipe

It was just another day as I sat there and watched television. An epiphanic moment was quickly approaching, but I must say it was sparked by an unlikely source. I was watching the Sundance Channel original series Iconoclasts. It is a documentary series that takes two iconic artists and puts them together and essentially just lets them be and talk and do. I had watched this show several times before and it had already become one of my favorite programs. This particular episode put together chef Mario Batali and R.E.M. front man Michael Stipe. I found it to be particularly interesting to see these two artists coming from two such different realms of creativity. But that’s not what I want to talk about here.

What I want to talk about is one 5-10 second clip from that show. Toward the end of the episode Stipe and Batali go to a U2 concert and they get to go backstage since Bono is a personal friend of Stipe’s. They watch the concert from the side stage as the band starts in on Stipe’s favorite U2 song Beautiful Day. Bono sings out, “The heart is a bloom,” and Stipe is immediately freed in the moment. And then here comes that one clip that caused what I would consider to be a profound realization. I sat there and watched as Michael Stipe got caught up in each consecutive moment. Moment after moment, beat after beat, word after word, Stipe seemed to be discovering a new sense of freedom in every particle of his surroundings. He moved his body in such a way that I wouldn’t hesitate to say was a bit strange. I’d say he looked much like what I would imagine an epileptic circus contortionist might look like if forced to look straight into a strobe light for an extended period of time. Not a particularly pretty sight, unless you’re into that sort of thing. I waited for the laughter to make its way up through my body and meet the air in front of my mouth. But alas, it never arrived to its predicted destination. It stayed buried in my body and a new feeling arose. I felt envious of the man. I wanted to be as free as him. I wanted to be so caught up in something that I became utterly lost to that moment. I wanted to be led by time as opposed to being prisoner to it. I wanted to know what that felt like.

This made me start to think about what was really going on here. What was happening that made me so envious? I think it was that Stipe just seemed to be so wholly and beautifully comfortable in his own skin and body and mind that he allowed them all to do what they really desired at that exact moment. The fact that he could and would look rather foolish and silly to many wasn’t even an afterthought. It didn’t even cross his mind. He just was. He existed in that moment.

As someone who has gone through several identity crises and changed myself many times I understand that it is difficult for me to feel totally comfortable in my own skin and body. I often become a prisoner to my own insecurities, and it is my belief that most of us do. But I think realizing that is one very large step in the right direction. Understanding that a large part of me is the way my insecurities get manifested in everyday life allows me to at least have a shot at breaking through the prison bars and making my way toward freedom. Now I’m sure you can talk to me in X number of years and I very well may have gone through a couple more identity crises and feel like I am still getting pounded in the battle versus my insecurities, but I certainly hope I will still be trying to express myself in the purest and most free ways I know how.

Maybe one day you’ll see me doing something and think of how strange I look and not even a giggle will turn up.

Ten Things I Learned From Super Bowl Commercials

1) Will Ferrell is the funniest man alive.

2) Sexism is alive and well in 2008. (GoDaddy.com is edifying our culture, one stripping woman at a time)

3) Beer companies think that men are big, stupid oafs that will laugh at anything.

4) Beer companies are right.

5) Dalmatians can train clydesdale horses.

6) I can barely remember what product the commercials were advertising.

7) Racism is alive and well in 2008.  (Did you catch those sales lead pieces of crap?)

8) Drinking soda makes you bi-partisan.

9) The kids from "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" have all hit puberty.

10) For the first time in years, the game was actually better than the commercials!