What I Learned From…a moment with Michael Stipe

It was just another day as I sat there and watched television. An epiphanic moment was quickly approaching, but I must say it was sparked by an unlikely source. I was watching the Sundance Channel original series Iconoclasts. It is a documentary series that takes two iconic artists and puts them together and essentially just lets them be and talk and do. I had watched this show several times before and it had already become one of my favorite programs. This particular episode put together chef Mario Batali and R.E.M. front man Michael Stipe. I found it to be particularly interesting to see these two artists coming from two such different realms of creativity. But that’s not what I want to talk about here.

What I want to talk about is one 5-10 second clip from that show. Toward the end of the episode Stipe and Batali go to a U2 concert and they get to go backstage since Bono is a personal friend of Stipe’s. They watch the concert from the side stage as the band starts in on Stipe’s favorite U2 song Beautiful Day. Bono sings out, “The heart is a bloom,” and Stipe is immediately freed in the moment. And then here comes that one clip that caused what I would consider to be a profound realization. I sat there and watched as Michael Stipe got caught up in each consecutive moment. Moment after moment, beat after beat, word after word, Stipe seemed to be discovering a new sense of freedom in every particle of his surroundings. He moved his body in such a way that I wouldn’t hesitate to say was a bit strange. I’d say he looked much like what I would imagine an epileptic circus contortionist might look like if forced to look straight into a strobe light for an extended period of time. Not a particularly pretty sight, unless you’re into that sort of thing. I waited for the laughter to make its way up through my body and meet the air in front of my mouth. But alas, it never arrived to its predicted destination. It stayed buried in my body and a new feeling arose. I felt envious of the man. I wanted to be as free as him. I wanted to be so caught up in something that I became utterly lost to that moment. I wanted to be led by time as opposed to being prisoner to it. I wanted to know what that felt like.

This made me start to think about what was really going on here. What was happening that made me so envious? I think it was that Stipe just seemed to be so wholly and beautifully comfortable in his own skin and body and mind that he allowed them all to do what they really desired at that exact moment. The fact that he could and would look rather foolish and silly to many wasn’t even an afterthought. It didn’t even cross his mind. He just was. He existed in that moment.

As someone who has gone through several identity crises and changed myself many times I understand that it is difficult for me to feel totally comfortable in my own skin and body. I often become a prisoner to my own insecurities, and it is my belief that most of us do. But I think realizing that is one very large step in the right direction. Understanding that a large part of me is the way my insecurities get manifested in everyday life allows me to at least have a shot at breaking through the prison bars and making my way toward freedom. Now I’m sure you can talk to me in X number of years and I very well may have gone through a couple more identity crises and feel like I am still getting pounded in the battle versus my insecurities, but I certainly hope I will still be trying to express myself in the purest and most free ways I know how.

Maybe one day you’ll see me doing something and think of how strange I look and not even a giggle will turn up.